Put that Back

The Mouth comes over to borrow my super duper Swingline Stapler. Yes it will mess you up. And yes you are jealous. Anywho she takes it out, staples away, and upon returning it she feels it necessary to try and reorg my cubby. She's says I feel this should go here because it seems safer. WTF? Safer? Lady it's office supplies not fine China. And DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT.
You can add that as #21 on the pet peeve list.

Just Take my Hand

No matter how many times they struggle, no matter how many times they go at things alone, no matter how many times they push me away when they need me the most..my hand will always be stretched out in hopes that one day they will take hold.

Soul Food

Sunday's are made for family dinners. It should be a law that you have to gather and eat a comforting meal. I hope to start a tradition one day. Anwyho, I go over to cook dinner at my parent's house; Osso Buco to be exact and yes it came out fantastic. It was a classic scene my dad on the couch watching the World Series with the cats, my niece running amuck, my mom, sister, and I chatting, chopping, and frying away. The stew is bubbling on the stove and the rest of the courses are prepped so the girls sit down at the table for a mean game of gin rummy. Severl hands and few choice Italian curse words later and dinner was ready. Everything came together quite nicely. Mixed green salad with Italian dressing (yes homemade), rustic croutons, and shaved parmesean started off the meal. Then came the hearty Osso Bucco and creamy cheesy mushroom risotto. I must say it was one of the best meals I've had in a while. There's nothing like a home cooked dinner being shared with your family, for once in harmony.

Not Even Close

The Broad, I guess in an attempt to be cute, tries to compare one of the customers she buys for to the plant I deal with in Mexico. The only similarities we share is they like to make changes all the time. I shake my head and say no what you deal with is pie compared to my crap. She justifies it by how many times she has to revise an order. You know it is quite difficult to change quantities and hit the print button.

I can't hear you...

As I was partaking on the loo. I thought to myself self why do they put the male gender in positions where it requires them to listen, knowing full well that they are not very adept to do so. Case in point one of my vendors, who is a male in a sales position, calls me today to resolve an issue that I brought to his attention. To back track a bit, he's been my rep for almost 2 years and we've had an account with his company for about 4 years. Not to mention I was very specific with what I told him on this particular item. That being said he should, emphasis on should, be very familiar with our account/needs. Well that's what I had assumed. Yes I know keep it to yourself. Needless to say there wouldn't be an issue if he would have listened to me. Now he has to do all this extra work because he didn't make it easy on himself and do it right in the first place. Right would be listening to me.

Dear Blogger,
I'm sorry for cursing your name on Friday. I forget that you're entitled to your moments. I did have 2 really good blogs that I attempted to post, but you decided to crap on them instead. Thus putting me into an even grumpier mood. I will try and be more sensitive to your "needs". Please also consider mine.

Love,
Litas

Que Color?

I had the joy of listening to a conversation between the warehouse manager and his "Assistant". It consisted of the usual crap of them trying to figure out what the other was trying to say and addressing problems they've been having. The main focus was their attempt to put a face to one of our workers names. The manager kept saying his name, but the Assistant was at a loss. This went on for about 10 minutes, until the Assistant asked, "well what color is he?" I let out this loud laugh, then tried to blame it on an email I was reading.

$5

That I don't get a response.

I'd also like to point out that today was a good day. Sure Mama cooked the breakfast with no hog. But I'm half way home and my pager's still blowin up. Don't act like ya'll don't know that song.

Oh Really?

I just overheard the Broad talking with the Mouth about changing her schedule. And by overheard I hope you know I wasn't snooping. She lets you know when she wants you to "hear" things cuz she talks a bit louder. I will shit if her plan goes through. I hope she realizes that part time means less pay.

Go Away

BB and I have sang the 'Thrill is Gone' time and again. And it is gone, but why won't it go away? It's not fair that I've made up my mind and it keeps coming back, just when I think it's gone. Perhaps it's just supposed to be there?

Pungent=Current Mood

Actually I think that's a good word to sum me up as a whole. The Broad is not in the office today. I'm sure she has a valid reason. Even so I'd discount it. I'm praying for patience, kindness, understanding, humility, sanity, and for my fist to just so happen to miss her face if I swing. I really try to get along with these office sea cows, but sometimes it's just impossible. They either treat me like a rocket scientist or a 4 year old. The balance tends to throw me off kilter.

ADDICTION# 2

Yes along with pet peeves I also have some wicked addictions. #2 on the list would be jeans. That's my uniform of choice. I live in jeans. I work in them. I party in them. When I find the right pair, I giggle like a school girl. My work ones are cozy and have a bit more give. My party ones are tighter and make my ass look great. Yesterday I was doing some Christmas shopping, yes I said it! I stumbled upon one of my fave brands, which had been marked down. There was a light pair and a dark pair, but the dark pair had not been marked down. I took them up to my "friendly" sales associate and told her what the deal was. She scans the light pair and said, "these are $12." YES $12 (they had been marked down further). Then she says, "No the dark ones are newer jeans and aren't marked down." Of course I threw in the classic shopper line, but it was on the sale rack (they really were). I also threw in it's the same exact jean just in a darker wash AND it was the only dark pair in the store (of course). She said no it's a different cut. I pointed to the sticker, that literally took up the whole thigh on the jean, and said it's the same sticker on the light as is on the dark. She said oh well still it's a newer jean. I said thanks I'm not interested in these. She looked at me like I had killed her puppy. I was so frustrated I couldn't even buy the lighter pair. GAH such a girl!

Only Human Here

Sound the damn alarm I made a mistake; that's 2 this week. It's sick how I strive for perfection. Now it's time to point the finger at myself. How I loathe when I make one. And now I have to hear crap for the next couple of days about how "our little princess of perfection is not so perfect". Thanks guys. Perhaps that's what I get for coming down on the Mouth and the Broad for their mistakes. But you can expect theirs, it's daily like clockword, mine are as often as the Broad comes to work (not very).

Short Rib High Note

Whilst at my local grocery I stumbled upon some short ribs that had been marked for quick sale. Why I'm not sure, but when you can pick up a package of meat for about $2 you can't really complain. I decided they should be braised. I marinated them for 2 days in yellow and brown mustard, garlic, salt and pepper. I dredged them in flour, yes I know that makes them no longer braised, and fried them for about 5-10 mins. I removed the ribs from the pan, added onion (be generous), and cooked them for 10-15 mins. I added some riesling to deglaze the pan and cooked it for a bit. I followed that with some chicken stock, garlic, potatoes, and the ribs. I brought it to a boil, then turned it down to a nice simmer for about 2 hours. I tasted the "gravy" and turned the ribs throughout the cooking proces. It needed a good hit of salt and a lil sugar to balance the zing from the wine and the mustard. In the end I had oh so tender ribs and perfect potatoes nestled in a smooth, yet tangy sauce.

Nosey

I'm not one to be all up in other people's business unless they get me involved. I also am not one to snoop. Therefore when other people do it to me I get very defensive. I'm here at my desk typing away and the Mouth comes over and says, "Who are you talking to?" I said nobody. She says I can see your aiming somebody. I said first of all you shouldn't be reading my screen and second of all I'm working on the server. She says oh well I don't recognize the screen you're on and you're typing so fast. Insert Blank Face. I said I type fast all the time and since you don't work on the server you won't know what the screen looks like. She then gets defensive and says well I was just asking a question. I said you really weren't you were just trying to get up in the mix. She stomped out of the room.

Pet Peeve #516

Yes I too have my ism's. Few, but weird. One of them includes folding each perforation on a manila folder. I always fold to the last line so it makes a nice square bottom. This also allows for it to sit well in the filing cabinet. The mouth, to make my skin crawl, likes to fold each damn line. This causes the folder to get all lopsided. She thinks it helps the folder expand better as more paper gets added. I think I'm going to papercut her with the manila folder.

Thank You INSP.#33 and 72

I thank you for making sure my tagless white crew neck is cozy
The seams intact
The length perfect
The sleeves not too tight
The color crisp

I'd like to remind you that the keyword to this shirt is tagless
That being said why did you allow the makers to install a tiny tag on the side of the shirt
I didn't feel it at first, but upon sitting in my car I met the hidden ninja
It proceeded to poke and rub my side OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your inspector tags decided to further agitate my side by forming a union with the tag
I actually have a red spot
I hope your licenses get revoked

......

I decided not to sleep last night, therefore I'm a bit tired
It's another busy day at the place of employment
The top of my foot hurts for some odd reason
I made a mistake and the rocket scientists can't figure out why I would do such a horrid thing
My project list is slowly diminishing
I'm going to chew off my arm

CardScan600cx

Can a name be any lovelier? I love simplicity and I love technology. Combine the two together and my toes curl. I just setup this shnazzy new toy for the bosses; I could never be so lucky. It's just a scanner, but business card size and it generates the info onto a "rolodex" on your computer. GENIUS! It also attaches a copy of the scanned card to the entry. I might need to further test it, for a couple hours, you know to make sure it can read the cards properly. I must dig up some foreign ones.

Peanut Gallery

Today is supposed to be a holiday
I love working in the dark
I farted really loud
I wish I would've said goodbye
My boobs are killing me
I wish I could make things easier for my friend
I could use another cup of joe
MMM enchiladas
I wanna kiss hard
My to do list is getting out of hand
Yes REM everybody hurts
I should bake a pie
I wish it would rain, no snow
I want to end it already

GAH! Part 2

Ok I'm over it. The pity has subsided.

GAH!

Ok so I totally feel like an ass. Yesterday I was so bent out of shape over the broad that I couldn't wait to slice her open today. Well she was just crying at her desk. I gave the kid a hug and petted her head. I do feel bad for her. She's going through a lot right now. See I do have a heart. It might be tiny and black, but it's there.
Slicing will commence on Monday.

Agitada

I can't get over myself today. I am so pissed off about people not doing their work and not doing it properly. Look I'm not saying that I don't half ass stuff from time to time. But by half ass I mean ordering a cheaper quality paper for the printer. I've ran across so many mistakes while the Broad has been out. It's the kind of thing where if it would just be done the right way the first time, take that extra minute, it wouldn't make me or the Mouth have to redo it and spend 10-15 minutes trying to figure out what the hell she even did in the first place. Will this be resolved? Probably not because she never changes. Will I say something. YES!

Calgon Take me Away

Today I woke up with a pounding headache. The kind where everytime it throbs it makes you close your eyes and scrunch up your face. I was hoping for an easy breezy day since yesterday worked me over good. I should have known better. We are that much busier today since the Broad decided not to come in. My patience is fleeting. I have no compassion. My brow has a new crease. A good dose of my secret stay young serum shall zap it away.

Memoirs of a Dago

Today I could go for a cup at Il Fornaio, a cinnamon twist, my hoodie, and a lovely chat with my BFF. What I'm getting instead is the chills, the broad making noises after everytime she moves, the displeasure of my apple and peanut butter, and my stomach roll hanging over the side of my jeans.

Early Morning Highlights

This is really what I work with....
Broad: As she turns the calendar to October OH no wonder there wasn't a lot of traffic this morning
Me: Pauses and sips coffee
Broad: Huh I didn't even think of that
Me: Wipes crust from corner of eye
Broad: In her best British accent It's Yom Kippur
Me: Glares at the village idiot and shakes head

Why I Loathe Monday

1. It's not Saturday
2. I wake up too damn early
3. An accident on the Bundesautobahn had cleared, yet I was still half an hour late
4. The Broad wants to interrogate me about my weekend
5. The Mouth joins in after Master
6. See #1