Binge


I was not really hungry, but I had to do it anyways
This intense sensation that I needed to get my fix took over
I walked into the kitchen and started washing dishes
I looked behind me and could not wait
I slipped the gloves off of my hands
I poured myself a glass of water
I opened the drawer and headed to the couch
I tore into the bag and felt happy
I felt calm, I felt relaxed
Then I felt guilty
Then I felt dirty
Maybe dirty is not the right word
But I don't know what to call it
I just know as soon as it started it was over
And I did not like that I did it

Reasons I Hate Today


#1 Stomach is sore not from sit-ups, but from cramps
#2 Ass is now, actually, getting bigger
#3 No motivation, nor desire to go to the gym tonight
#4 Even my bra hurts (no you can't hold them)
#5 Helping people can make them dependent on you to do their job
#6 Over communication has now led to confusion

Fatass


Yeah I said it. Me and my ass are getting bigger. Actually, I have stayed the same weight which makes me feel like a fatty fat fatty because I am trying, sort of. Mind you, while I am working out 1-2 days a week (lameopotamus) and slightly eating better (cobb salad below my chins) it is my own damn fault. I am not putting forth enough effort. So when I walk my fat ass down to the local deli and pickup my hand crafted nom nom salad (with ranch dressing, blue cheese crumbles, bacon, and croutons), I feel embarrassed as I pass buildings and see what my momma gave me. UGH! The stomach jiggle; how annoying is that crap?! Even with my loosely fitting shirt I hear Bill Cosby singing that damn jingle to my jiggle. My goal is to look smoking by the end of June. I still have 4 months to make a concerted effort, but I am tired just thinking about it. I lost my umph to push myself. I am not looking for dramatic, nor will I take drastic efforts. I just want to be toned and lose the ever growing jowls. I saw pictures of myself taken just this past Monday and thought holy cow, literally. I have always, and will always have chubby cheeks, but damn. Needless to say, while it will probably be a late night at the office for me, I will be going to gym even if it is just for cardio.


* I realize I said damn a lot. It is what happens when you come back to work after taking a couple days off

Reasons I Hate Today

#1 The heifers at work are trying to get me sick

#2 Not sure the nyquil has fully worn off

#3 I am buried under Requirements and Specs

#4  Not sure how I feel about a protein shake for breakfast

#5 I want to be back in bed with the covers pulled over my head

#6 Taking time off means rushing to meet deadlines

Reasons I Love Today


#1 I get to spend the evening with a handsome man
#2 MMM steak for dinner
#3 I don't have to play the games I did last year
#4 I bought myself flowers with pride (love a good coupon)
#5 My prince did wait for me

Are These Things On?


Yes, you, ovaries. Ok, well maybe it is not them exactly. Perhaps it is more just me. I am approaching the ripe old age of mind your own damn business, and babies (Lord, how about baby first) are not on the horizon. I mean I love kids do not get me wrong, but me having one is another story. I spoil the crap out of my nieces, nephews, and little cousins, but then I get to give them back. The family likes to remind me that I am 1. Not married and 2. Not pregnant. At this point they really do not care about the order. I chose this awkward path of having a career. I also decided to be smart and not get married and start a family too young. I wanted to enjoy life sans really being that kind of an adult. When I try to explain that I am a selfish person being that I like to sleep in, pack a bag and get out of Dodge for the weekend, and not have to worry about anyone if I have to work late. Then there is this man whom I love dearly, but they still are not crying to have children. Is there something wrong with me? I am happy that this, supposed, time clock is not blaring right now. Will it literally just go off one day and I will want to procreate now ZOMG hurry? I do not want to be walking down the street and start humping some poor man's leg. I would want it to be somewhat romantic; like pulling my hair at least. I mean I just heard that when you meet "the one" you get this desire to create something together. While I have very strong feelings that he is the one, I do not have strong feelings about pooping out his baby. So are they not on, or is there something wrong with me?

Hello...is it Me You're Looking For?


I don't care what anyone says, I like that song. I am looking for me. Yes, I really am looking for myself. While I am still me at the core, I have lost little bits and pieces of me through the years. Dramatic, yes, but I think I have just worn myself thin. I have lost my passion. I have lost my drive. I fight so much everyday, that I am no longer fighting for myself. I have the best of intentions each day when I slink into my desk chair. I clank away at the keyboard, at times angrily, answering emails and chatting my opinion. I use my sexy operator voice to hash through problem and vision statements. I calm heated discussions and bring the group back to the original intention. I fight for projects even though I know they will not get approved. I stare blankly at people when they allude to the fact that I am not doing enough*. I am tired of fighting for everyone and everything except for me. I am taking myself back this year. I am going to try and spend more time taking care of me. I am going to be selfish and focus on myself more.


*I needed a creative break from the monotony of Product Requirements