Don't Leave Me...

I mumbled as you rambled on about a potential adventure. I'm almost positive you heard me cuz you said I think we picked up someone else's conversation. I don't want you to go. I don't want to lose you. I've done this before and it didn't turn out so well. Granted this time you're a man and before it was just a boy. I won't rain on your parade. I will nurture your dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader. I want the best for you and I want you to be your best. I will try and keep emotions at bay, but there will be tears; no maybe there. I will pray for wisdom and guidance. I will pray for protection. I will pray for comfort. There is a plan greater than you and I could ever imagine. I hope it includes me, but if not I understand. As Sade said I couldn't love you more. And because of that I will let you go if I have to.

SnuggleFace

I love cuddling with you. I love that you inch your way closer to me if I roll to far away. I love that your hand always finds its way to my butt and sometimes my boob. I love when you turn on your side and you paw at me to spoon you. I love waking up next to you and seeing your sweet lil sleepy face. I love that you wake up with a smile. I'm going to stop now because I'm making myself nauseous.

Sick and Tired...Tired and Sick

Sometimes I'm just too tired to argue; see today. I feel like I have to argue my point everyday. Is it because I cannot speak clearly? Is it because I speak too clearly?* Sometimes I literally have to break things out like this: so what you're trying to say is 1. 2. 3. Is that correct? I'm not kidding. I did it ALL day yesterday and apparently today is no better. So when I ask a simple question to my ever so favorite ASSociate why does she insist to reply snipply (no I didn't want to use snippy). Here's the thing: 1 I was not only trying to get more revenue for the company, but 2 would also turn into more commission for said ASSociate. YOU'RE WELCOME.

*It's because most of the people I work with are MORONS. No I'm serious. It's so sad. And because of it, some days I turn the simplest thing into a ginormous thing.

Cupid Draw Back Your Bow and Let Your Arrow Go

And boy did he. In case you couldn't tell earlier, I think Valentine's Day is overrated. And not because of the fact it's the day of love and all that mushy crap (I promise I am getting better in my old age). It's because the sheer essence of the day is so askew. I like to call it Marketing Day. Ok, I'm done. It was one of the best V-Days (see it does sound gross) I've ever had or could imagine having. I am so blessed. I'm still on cloud 9.

Lost in Translation

I used to be able to write. Now, not so much. Call it poetry, call it spoken word, call it random thoughts spilling out of my head and onto paper. I don't know where it came from, nor why it stopped. I just know that one day, in the middle of the night (literally), I woke up from a dream and just had to write. I want to say it was sometime in high school, though not sure which year. I think my imagination was in overdrive as I tried to pump out a 10-20 page essay in the span of 2 days. Don't act like you didn't (and still do) procrastinate. My best work came from procrastination. Yes, my mother said that was just an excuse, but I swore by it. Sure I tried to do that whole brain storm, rough draft, proof read, and final draft. Never really worked for me. I needed that pressure, that weight on my shoulders. And forget writing stuff down on paper, I just needed a keyboard to clank away on. I used to sit there and think of the assignment, glare around the room or out the window, and BAM my fingers would dance away. The story would play out in my head as I typed. Scenes would be deleted and replayed as I altered sentences. It was almost as if my imagination took over and vividly played out my words on paper. It was a blessing and a curse (yes, dramatic). I would be factoring problems in math class, then start writing a poem about the boy next to me. My school papers were filled with my words. Church was a vessel of unstoppable creativity. Sermon notes were a boundless playground for my silliness and pent up emotions. Ok sure my sister took the brunt of those notes, but we're not going to focus on that. Then one day, it just stopped (literally). My imagination was squelched. Perhaps choked by the reality of childhood lost and adulthood on the forefront. I could no longer just sit there and let my pen walk all over the paper in front of me. My fingers waltzed no more.

Rain on your Parade

You can keep your overindulgent, overpriced, over the top, overly babies breathed roses. You can shove your Russell Stover wanna be chocolates. Don't even hand me some Mushy, ushy, poorly worded "I Love You" card and just sign your name.
Ladies, seriously, no matter how few times your man says he loves you or brings you flowers; is making him buy you ridiculously priced flowers and dinner packages the best payback? I mean is that justice enough? And hey if it is more power to you, but that means you're not allowed to complain about him for the rest of the year. Not even a peep. Call me bitter, call me a hater, call me what you want. Just don't call me stupid, cuz my boo loves me year 'round.

Crushed

I'm very sad to say the BTB and I have broken up. Le Sigh. I will miss you lil weeble. As quickly as you rolled into my life, you rolled right out. I know my hair is a mess, but I can't help it (I'm over straightening it everyday!). I always showered and put on deodorant. Didn't that count for something? I would say you'll always have a spot in my heart, but well I'm over you already.

Gotta Have Faith

In classic Testadura fashion I STRESSED the F out at work this week because a HUGE account of mine was on the verge of being messed up. Part system restraints and part, I will admit, me overlooking something. I am happy to report that everything is A-OK! I seriously made myself sick because I was worried that it couldn't be fixed. If only I would have stepped back and just gave it up to the Big Guy, I would have saved myself half a bottle of Gaviscon (Yes, they still make that stuff and it's awesome!).

*Note to self...try and remember to rejoice in good times and in bad.

Rain Rain

Stay for a while. I enjoy the somberness when you come to play. Plus my car needs a bath.

It's just the Thought of you.... the Very Thought of you...

Macaroni, another year has come and gone without you. I miss you more and more every year. My heart pains in December when we used to celebrate your birthday and it aches ever so in January when God took you back home. I try and forget, but never can no matter how busy I am. (I'm getting the chills just typing this) You were a friend's friend. Seriously, one of the best friends I've had. You set the course for what I desire in a friend; and you'd be proud with the ones I have (yes the OG crew is still around, well minus 1). I was proud to be your sister, since you only had a brother. I will admit I was taken a back when you first started calling me sis. After all, I had one I didn't need you, but quickly saw how much that title meant you loved me. I remember my dad yelling, "Your sister's on the phone" when you'd call. I made myself forget your phone number. Although I think it's dialed down the center. I remember one day when I picked up the phone and started dialing your number. I instantly broke down because I knew I couldn't do that anymore. I lost you when I needed you the most. You've missed out on so many good memories. I wish we could have grown old together like we said we would, Golden Girls style. The baby is not a baby anymore and there's another one on the way. I wish you could have met them both. I know they would have loved you as much as I still do. I will never forget you and I will never forget what those ugly girls did to you. You would have cringed seeing them "cry" over you at your service. Dorko had to take me outside because I was about to lose it. I wonder if they still think of their "best friend". Thanks for still visiting me in my dreams. I hope we can meet up again soon. I wish I knew where you were laid to rest. I know you're not there, but I just need to say goodbye. I want to tell you it's going to be ok. I want to tell you I'll see you again one day. I'm sorry that I was so selfish and didn't see you that last day. I still regret it. I know you could have used one last hand massage too. I will never stop loving you, I will never ever lose your memory, you will always be my friend.

BTB

BTB=Benny the Bean (I heart a good acronym) I think we are going to have a wondrous relationship. Although I'm not quite sure exactly what you do, I do enjoy your phone conversations. Hearing the strain in your voice, as you try to remain cool, while talking to incompetent vendors makes me remember my days with vendors. Oddly enough I kind of miss them. No, I think it's the desk ballet I miss the most. Dancing around ones desk while on hold is a sure way to pass the time. Ok fine, nothing delighted me more than schooling someone on how their own company works (Yes, I'm evil leave me be).

Sniff

My favoritest smell has been MIA for a few days and I'm having withdrawals, like something fierce. Due to my denial of emotions, I'll just chalk it up to the hormones.
*Note to self, favoritest smell comes off when sheets are washed (SIGH). I just about suffocated myself trying to sniff the everlasting crap out of the pillow.