Back in the Day

When I was young I'm not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again. Well I do not know how much I really would want to be a kid again, in this day and time. Yesterday I spent 5 hours reading a book. I said FIVE HOURS! I have not done that since I was in school. I decided to say F working; I deserved a break. And with that I threw myself on the couch, coffee in hand, blankey on, and delved into a new book. Man I LOVE the smell of a new book. Paperback at that. I am not so much the fan of hardback unless it was a Nancy Drew. Sure I got up to refresh my coffee, supervise my brother doing laundry, and drain the lizard. Relax it's just an expression. I really do not have a lizard; indoor plumbing. It was such a great way to piss away the rest of the day. I also realized just how much I miss sitting and reading. Yesterday was a perfect day for it too. I had all the windows open and the breeze wafted in throughout the day, chilling the room at just the right time. The chimes on the patio played a melodic tune in the background. The birds chirped car alarm noises that they hear EVERYDAY. Squirrels barked at each other on the telephone lines. All I needed was for everyone to sit in my living room and make my dress with the mice. That would be awesome if that happened, as long as those bastards do not poop in my house. I just had a lot of work done. So with my new found (see rediscovered) love I will be spending a little time each nite reading. Running away from all the crap that happened during the day. Losing myself in someone else's drama.

Reasons I Hate Today

1. It's Monday
2. I HATE losing an hour
3. I want to rip my ovaries out
4. I'm groggy, yet clocked 6-7 hours of sleep
5. I want to be sitting on my couch drinking coffee and watching the news
6. Ovaries.rip.now.

Reasons I Hate Today

1. I seem to have contracted montezumas revenge
2. I can't keep my eyes open
3. I want to be back in my bed
4. Sprite isn't as good as coffee
5. I'm hoping I can keep this bagel down
6. See number 3
7. I have so much crap to do today and don't want to stay late

Dear Office Cochinas,
Please piss IN THE TOILET. There is no need to pee all over the seat, on the floor, or REALLY?! Is that what I think it is?! I know they provide seat condoms, but wet is wet. Ladies, we sit down when we pee. Did you forget that? And, hey, if you're practicing peeing while standing up high five. I'll keep that in the shower. Don't judge me. Everyone does it.

Grossed Out,
Litas

Exit Interview

Why cannot you get one of those when you end a relationship? Would not it be great if you could fill out a form and rate someone on what they did well/sucked at? Just be completely honest and let that person know, "hey, you're a dick, but you cook really well. And you cuddle like a champ, not to mention play with hair. Did I mention you love your mom?" Perhaps that is just the corporate demon that has latched onto my soul talking. I like to know how I am doing, or how I did. I want to know where I suck and where I did well. I always want to improve myself. And sure sometimes those comments hurt, but that is where I get to chose if it was just a mean remark, or if it really is the truth; most of the time it really is the truth.

Dear Dad,
I felt it's time to tell you just how much I love you and how much I miss my old dad. I mean you have improved with age, but there's this nagging habit that just won't go away. I know that you are a good person and I know that you do love your family and will do anything for them, but you're allowing this nag to control you. It angers me when you sit there speaking like a prophet. Well you're false and you speak lies. You don't realize how much you put your family through. You don't realize how much I had to step up and take care of things. You're a coward. You're a scared little boy. You think you have all the answers, but you don't. No one finds you funny. No one thinks you're interesting. People feel sorry for you. People ignore your calls because they don't want to hear your slurred memories, or attempts to explain things. I will no longer drive around to find you. I will no longer check in at work. I will no longer cover for you. While I won't do those things, I will never stop praying for you. I will never lose the faith. I will have my old dad back one of these days; I hope sooner rather than later.

Love,
Your Daughter

*I wrote this in 2009 and while I would like to say everything has changed, it has not. I will say though that slowly, but surely things are getting better.

Thanks for Not Forgetting About Me

Lately things have been sucking ass. The past few weeks have been non-stop work and, within that, the ever present reminder that no matter how much good I do I cannot help everyone. I feel like I am continually doing a face palm. I try so hard to make things better. I come early and stay late. I pour my every being into a project. I am involved in every layer. I push people. I get pushed. I hear everyone out. I talk people down from laying the smack down on others. And I get more and more dumped on me because, well, who else is going to do it. I say I do not have enough time to do said work, then get questioned about what I spend my 8 hours doing. This morning my daily dose of Jesus hits me with this:

"You may not understand everything that’s going on in your life right now, but I encourage you to keep your head held high. Know that God is working in your life. Keep being faithful. Keep doing the right thing, knowing that in the end God is going to turn things around in your favor. "

To that I say AMEN! Please do not get all crotchety and give me the Jesus talk. You do you and I will do me. I am not shoving anything down your throat here. And I will keep the jokes to myself.

Ain't No Sunshine

When she's gone
Your bed is cold now that I'm away
I wonder if you listen to this song differently now
Your house isn't a home anymore, is it?
Only darkness everyday no matter how much Vitamin D you take
Didn't realize how much you and Bill had in common did you
And she's always gone too long....this time forever

Go Away

Why can't you just leave me alone?!
Anger has turned to hatred and you don't even know what you're doing to me
I hate the way you look at me because I know what you're thinking
Get out of my thoughts!
Why can't the bad things outweigh the good
I feel history repeating itself
Please stop!
I said I could separate the two, but I can't, I lied
I realize that I can easily fall back into old habits
SHOO!

Light Speed

I zone out while chatting away on the phone and typing without thought. My brain let my fingers know I have checked out and they are being switched over to auto pilot. My mind keeps racing over the events of the past few days. It is always amazing how quickly life can change. One minute you are in a the standard boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and the next you are donning a white dress. Where did the time go? I remember as a kid my mom always said to enjoy life because the older you get the faster life goes by. She could not have been anymore right. I find myself telling people that when the speed of time comes up in conversation. I feel like such an old lady when I do so. As if I'm the neighborhood Grandma yelling at the young whippersnappers to slow down. At times I battle with do I really want things to slow down, or do I like this speed? In relation to work I'm not a fan, unless it means making the day go by faster so I can go home and throw my fat ass on the couch. In life I'm torn because I can't wait to see what is coming up next. Who will I meet next? Where will I go next? What is my next promotion? And while life goes whirling by I am confident in knowing that I can handle whatever crosses my path. Truthfully, I do struggle with stress, emotions, and time management (heh), yet it does not matter because I know I will get through it. I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I needed to say it so there.