I Totally Didn't Do it Right This Time


Looking back through my archives, not like there is that much to see, I forgot to add that I really didn't do it right this time. I have my ideas as to how it went wrong, but the other party may have theirs too. I suppose from the get go I had enough signs, but chose to ignore them. Now when I play it out in my head (ok, and talk to myself) I am reminded of just how much I let slide. At the time I saw it as don't overreact like you normally do, you need to grow up, they need the benefit of the doubt. Well STFU. I gave them too much slack. I let someone take advantage of me. I put my heart and soul into it. I started all the conversations. I confronted all the problems. Me, me, me. I can honestly admit now, since I popped that damn love bubble, it was me that kept it alive. And when I left, the first time, it was I need you, I miss you, I love you, I hate my life without you. I caved too early. There was not enough groveling. I don't hate you, but I'm mad at you; and more so mad at myself. I'm working on forgiving you even though you don't know it. I keep telling myself this is the best thing that could have happened. Why do I keep wanting to go back?