Sofa King Confused

Remember saying those phrases as a kid? Spell icup. Look down your shirt and spell attic. Anyone? Hello? Bueller? Moving on, back to the title; I'm really confused. I get the love thing, then I don't, then I do again. Well now I don't. ARG! I hate when I cannot work something out. It peeves me. I do not want to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP I'm a pretty smart broad. I like to figure things out on my own and sometimes I have to tap out and, stubbornly, ask for help. I do not get love and relationships, or at least my own. I mean love is great, right. There is nothing like a nice soft kiss, a warm embrace, the nuzzling of a baby on your neck, etc. And relationships are cool too, right. You know that someone is always there, has your back, will share the good/bad moments with you, etc. Why isn't there a darn manual for love and relationships. Is this God's way of kicking his feet up and saying, " Ha ha look at those humans." I am stumbling through this love thing and it is pissing me off. I am a detail oriented, task driver, project management queen. You throw my butt in a relationship and I turn into a bumbling fool. I just do not get it. I have trouble communicating, cannot always form what I want to say right on the spot, cannot fully proces feelings, etc. What the hizzie is wrong with me?! (Oh, so you've noticed I'm trying to stray from cussing; thanks) Is it that this person just is not right for me and we have hit our "let's go our seperate ways" time? Is this person really the right person for me and now it is time to hunker down and act like a grown woman? Now, nightly, me and my devotion book are spending some time together. I realize yet again that I cannot (and should not) be doing this on my own.